un:enslaved

so, the last time i wrote was september 10. yeah, as you can imagine, a whole bunch of shit has happened since then. the brief run-down:

1. prior to significant dates: was working on a twelationship with a certain someone whom I’ll call “A”. things were a little wiggy, but generally looking up, and was the inspiration for me finally actively investigating what i would need to do in order to separate from my wife.
2. 9/16: Had extremely pointed conversation with the wife-unit about our relationship and how it was going nowhere and how it was driving me crazy feeling really quite lonely in my own house for the past 11 years. Conversation was interrupted by daughter because wife-unit refused to allow a mature, responsible conversation away from the children, who are quite capable of taking care of themselves for an our or two at the ages of 10 and 14.
3. 9/17: Interviewed with local company for QA position. Interview was awesome. Truly felt like job in the bag.
4. 9/18 (afternoon): Called by previously-mentioned company with job offer. I accept. First day of work scheduled for October 5.
5. 9/18 (evening): Contacted by a woman i will refer to as “T”. We were house-mates about 20 years ago when I lived in Lubbock, TX. Never even dated but had a strong friendship for many years that ended when she got my & wife-unit’s wedding invite. Turns out she’s my mom’s nurse and just happened to recognize me from a photo mom had on the wall. Divorced and looking. Looking specifically for me.
6. 9/19: Since I knew when I’d start work, decided to take a trip (16-hour 1-way drive) to visit Mom & Dad (it had been 3 years), and see what T was about. Also arranged to meet with “A” on the return trip. Would not have taken the trip, actually, if all three connections (family, T, and A) were not very important to me. I leave the following day.
7. Great visit with family, and with T. Very strong connection with T. Decided to see where it might lead, but am generally skeptical as she is ENTIRELY evangelical christian.
8. Two days prior to my return drive, A goes silent. Totally. Repeated attempts to contact her on the day I left Mom’s went unanswered. Kept calling/texting as I drove. She finally texts me after she knows i’m nearly 100 miles north of her home town. Says she needed time and space to think about things. But that no-show makes about a half-dozen no-shows when I include scheduled calls she bailed over weeks prior. Decide that a potential relationship with A would likely be less stable and more dysfunctional than what I have with wife-unit. No animosity, no hatred. But neither was there any desire for that kind of mind-game in my personal life. There was a personal integrity issue that deeply concerned me, and an obvious lack of respect for me that pretty much killed what had been rapidly turning into really significant emotions and deference. And to this day, she tells me that *I* am the dysfunctional one. If it wasn’t so sad, it’d be funny.
9. 9/27: Returned to Sioux Falls. After a week’s absence, was greeted by wife-unit with side-hug and no questions about the trip. The end of an Era.
10. 10/5: Started the new job.
11. 10/6: Finally had a one-on-one, uninterrupted conversation with wife-unit that resulted in my asking for divorce. She didn’t even argue or make any attempt to reconcile. Obviously, I made the right choice.
12. 10/7: I secured an apartment and began the separation.
13. 10/8: Filed for divorce (no, i don’t fuck around).
14. Over the ensuing weeks, my relationship with T grew stronger, but was impeded by the predictable limitations and lack of critical thinking so rampant among the evangelicals. I tried extremely hard to keep things going because our personal connection is very strong. She’s beautiful, pretty smart, and we communicate alright, but I begin to suspect that much of what’s actually between us is the romance of the unanswered questions that have lain between us over the years. And over time, it became apparent that this would be a very tough haul to tie our lives together. Also, as a good little xtian girl, my not-yet-divorced status bugs her immensely. To call it “strained” doesn’t really suffice. We begin arguing almost daily. I get txt-msg scriptures and prayers that are offensive to me. My gentle reminders go either unheard or are treated with “I’ll convert him eventually.” Yeah, it’s the romance of completing the connection. It’s not about ME at all.
15. Over the weeks prior to Thanksgiving: I begin to become aware that a long-time twiend, whom I will call “V”, is truly a wonderful addition to my life. We have had great conversations over the past months, and we have been being good friends to each other. Talk is very easy between us, and the communication is great. By great, i mean, substantial, significant, open, non-judgmental: truly exceptional. At first, I was a little put off by that realization, because it was so unexpected: my feelings hit me out of left field. But we’ve been talking, as friends, from before the A saga, throughout the T saga, and about all the goings on with my divorce. Not to mention the things going on in her life. But when my emotions reached a point where I felt that despite the risk of getting shot down, I should say something, she was actually receptive. Since V is a smarty, we took our time with each other. But about a week-and-a-half before I was scheduled to leave for Thanksgiving, I changed my flight plans to visit her for a day (really only about six hours).
16. Thanksgiving: A return-trip to Mom & Dad, and yes, T. My intention there going in was to make it clear where our relationship wasn’t going. Things came to a head with a discussion regarding my Atheism and a sincere lack of desire to change that perspective, and how that would mix, really, with her religious beliefs. At stake was that I am compelled to raise free-thinkers and her way of life is the exact opposite. How could I ever help raise her children within the context of my own personal integrity? (a question that is, yes, more important to me than a potential relationship with someone) It didn’t get resolved immediately, but the writing was very clearly on the wall. It was completely over in my mind, but by this time, I’d also come to learn that T is not the most emotionally stable leaf on the branch. Despite my having very limited contact with her the last three days I was there, she still believed we were working towards a mutual end. Also despite my being very clear about our relationship not working out and that at best, I could see being a friend.
17. 12/1: My time with V was phenomenal, and precious. We didn’t have much time together at all, but the hours were incredibly sweet and wonderful. I’d been realizing I was falling in love, but now it was very, very clear. She’s still got a lot to go through in her own life, but I left feeling extremely good about the visit and our growing relationship. I also feel very confident that working through the issues in our lives together is much more beneficial to us both than trying to slog through them alone. V agrees.
18. 12/4: Because she refuses to let go, things continued to spiral downward with T in increasingly egregious ways. It becomes a bit spiteful on her part. I changed my holiday flight plan and vacation schedule at work to spend two days with V instead of going back down to Texas (and thus seeing T again) for christmas. Mom will understand.
19. 12/5: Finally had to tell T to fuck off. Seriously, that’s what it took, I’m sad to say. Not very proud of myself for that, but the depth of her emotional imbalance became altogether transparent. Even if the religious stuff wasn’t an issue, whatever is wrong with her brain, is. And the focus of my heart is clearly V. What V and I have between us is golden. Priceless. We communicate very well and have an understanding between us like nothing I’ve ever had. Our relationship is powerful, and still growing. I am finally happy.